But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
