She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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