she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
