So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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