Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
