i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
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I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
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Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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