Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
