Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
