i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
