I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
