I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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