i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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