So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
