Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
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Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
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I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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