My room smells like vodka and shame
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
