then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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