dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
