Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
