I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
