Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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