i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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