The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
