I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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