she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
