Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
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There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
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Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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