I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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