He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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