I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I love having hate sex.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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