you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
