Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
