I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
