6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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