what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
