no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
