Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
