He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
They have beer where we have blood.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
