Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
