question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
