it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
