Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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