My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
