Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
