Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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