There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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