everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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