Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
