I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
