how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
