Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
