people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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