After last night, I could never be a politician.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
