I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
