Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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