I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
